The Worst Retirement Gifts You Could Possibly Give

Retirement. After endless years of the daily grind, it’s good-bye tension, hello pension. No more lying to the boss about “that appointment” or the “I-fell-down-the-stairs-and-broke-my-arm” excuses. Now it’s time to kick off the shoes, switch on the TV and eat cake (and lots of it) because the gateway to the golden years is nigh.

If you know someone who’s about to step into the never-ending coffee break experience, you’ll want to treat them to some traditional, contemporary and personalised retirement gifts.

Sure, we’ve all received a bad gift. Perhaps it was that hand-knitted bird jumper from your grandma that led to a swift beat-down in the playground. Maybe it was that re-gifted mug that said “Sarah” on it (your name is John).

Bad gift givers like to say something is better than nothing. This is not true. So without further ado, here are some retirement gift ideas for men and women that you’ll want to keep the hell away from…

Re-gifted books. Most of us have been guilty of re-gifting at some point in our lives, but re-gifted books take the cake, especially if they still have that handwritten note to the original recipient. Repeat the mantra: “Re-gifted books = the tackiest ideas for retirement ever.”

Cheap wine. If you’re going to give poor quality wine as a retirement gift, at least buy a decent bottle. What retiree – after god knows how many years of the 9 – 5 routine – would really appreciate wine that tastes like vinegar?

Bathroom scales. Great. After all that hard work, that’s what they get from their million pound corporation – or you… gee thanks! Nothing says “you need to lose a few pounds” more than a set of bathroom scales. Make a mental note: bathroom scales do not make good, clever or funny retirement gifts.

Piggy banks. Hello? Piggy banks might make great gifts for kiddies, but not for a sixty-something-year-old man or woman. C’mon, is throwing their loose change into a piggy bank supposed to make them feel like a young, professional person capable of handling their own money? I don’t think so.

Retirement presents with the wrong name or initials. Perhaps one of the most embarrassingly thoughtless retirement gifts for men and women are those personalised with the wrong name or initials.These aren’t gifts; they’re more like insults with a bow on top.

Retirement gifts with a message. When the impulse hits to buy a retiree a T-shirt scrawled with ‘retired but not expired’, just keep on walking. Unless the person you’re buying for is under the age of 16, chances are your wordy retirement present will end up as a dust rag.

Instead of giving any of the aforementioned, why not welcome them into emancipating freedom with personalised retirement gifts? You folks get to add the retiree’s name to your gift, plus a cheeky farewell message of your own. So maybe: “Welcome to being your own boss!” or “You’re well over-the-hill now!” Okay, maybe not. Jokes that were hilarious at a 40th birthday party may not be so entertaining now.